Beautiful young people are accidents,
but beautiful old people are works of art.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Old age is regarded as a most gloomy season. So pervasive is this belief that many dread the coming of old age. Experts say that the fear of old age is rooted in one major reason, helplessness. People fear they will suffer poor health, which can lead to helplessness. People fear they will be in penury when they grow old, which is a form of helplessness. Those of religious beliefs fear they are going to leave this world only to end up in a place worse because of how they lived, which is helplessness.
Well, who has not experienced trepidation of what's in store in his twilight years? Who has not entertained morbid thoughts of decrepitude, of being left unloved or getting consigned to nursing homes?
In the Philippines, most old people need not worry of spending their remaining days in homes for the aged. Tradition dictates that we take care of our old parents and relatives at home, in the bosom of their loved ones.
However, neglect and mistreatment of old people are not uncommon.
Many years ago, while conducting a house-to-house community survey, I found a senile man inside an outhouse. The toilet at the back of the house had a rough cement floor with a water-sealed hole at the center. The old man who sat in a corner greeted me with a shy toothless smile. Obviously, the elderly was suffering from incontinence and was confined there to avoid making a mess in the house. His loose-fitting cotton short pants was dirtied. In the same town, I learned of an old man who was left alone in the house most of the day. He ate his meals squatting on the floor from the plates shoved to him. On most of the days he had nothing for lunch.
Not easily given to despair, I read literature on aging for my own enlightenment and for affirmations.
These reflections on my winter years and on how to make the most of it are gleaned from my own experience and from what I've read or heard.
Let me start with a high note. The lives and achievements of people who were very active in their later years belie the notion that old people are passé and useless.
Sir Isaac Newton was active up to three weeks of his death at 84. Tiziano Vecelli (Titan) labored at art until 98. Francois-Marie d'Arouet (Voltaire) produced "Irene" at 84. Benjamin Franklin was active in his 85th year as president of the First American Society for the Abolition of Slavery. Eamon Valera served as president of Ireland at 91 and was revered by the Irish people as a fighter, hero, leader and statesman. Golda Meir, a strong-willed and straight talking leader, was named prime minister of Israel at 71 and held the job for five years. Nelson Mandela, South African anti-apartheid revolutionary, politician and philanthropist, won the Nobel Prize at 75 and became South Africa's first black chief executive at 75 and continued his activism and philanthropy up to the age of 86 when illness forced him to retreat from public life. Jean Baptiste Camille Corot painted two famous pictures in his 77th year. Pablo Picasso, one of the most prolific and influential artist of modern times, completed his portraits of "Sylvette" at 73, then executed three series of drawings between the age of 85 and 90. George Bernard Shaw, playwright, was awarded a Nobel Prize for Literature at age 69 and an Oscar at 82. George Burns, actor, comedian, writer, won his Academy award at age 80 and was crackling wit and humor when he wrote his ninth book at age 95 and wrote another book before he died at age 100.
Among Filipinos, we have Lorenzo Tanada, known as "the grand old man of Philippine politics" and widely praised as a graft buster, nationalist, and crusader of various causes at 93 received a standing ovation from the Philippine Senate for his stand against a new lease for the Subic Bay naval base, the last American military installation in the Philippines. Jovito Salonga, 92, another whitehaired leader revered by three generations of Filipinos was appointed by Cory Aquino as Chair of the Presidential Commission on Good Government (PCGG), won the number one spot in the senate a year later and was subsequently elected as Senate President, co-founded the Bantay Katayungan Kilosbayan (Kilosbayan) at 80 and received the Ramon Magsaysay Award for government service at 87. Carlos Romulo, the first Asian president to the United Nations Assembly and recipient of the prestigious Pulitzer Prize (Correspondence), was Marcos's Foreign Secretary at age 85. Jose Garcia Villa, considered as one of the world's finest contemporary poets, lived up to the ripe age of 88. Rodolpo "Dolphy" Quizon, Philippines comedy king was still joking at 83.
Growing old can't be avoided, but it doesn't have to mean the loss of health, mind and independence. If I pay attention to my lifestyle I can live an active and healthy life. Yes, my capacity to remember people and events is slipping but it doesn't mean that I'll become senile. Avoiding false teeth is a reasonable goal. I need not fret about losing my teeth. I've a healthy gum and strong teeth. I attribute these to genes, diet and minimal exposure to antibiotic in my childhood.
Old age doesn't have to mean feeling sick and tired if I keep my immune system working at its peak. I observed that people who abused their bodies by overeating, drinking, smoking, stressful work, and unhealthy habits when young reaped "what the sow" when they got older. I was able to exorcise my chronic low back pain, heart burn, diarrhea and lightheadedness by a single bold stroke: I stopped drinking.
More people today are living into very old age that the question of interest has shifted from "How long will I live?" to "If I'm going to live a long time, how can I be happy in the process?" The concept of "positive aging" posits that there are sources of happiness in our later years that are inherent in the processes of growing old. In other words, positive aging is not how well we're able to dodge our infirmities, but rather, our ability to focus on what makes life worthwhile in our later years in spite of the physical or mental trials that may arise.
To make the most of my resources as I age, I must learn to be selective, to optimize, and to compensate. As a retiree, I'm freed from the rigors and pressures of employment. I avoid stressful work and spend my time to easy and wholesome activities like tending vegetable gardens and leisurely writing.
I've to make affirmative lifestyle choices. The challenge in life isn't to avoid all bad choices, but to tip the scale of choices in favor of good ones. I won't hesitate to be of assistance and be assisted to. In my winter years I should be more concerned of giving. I'm done with planting and harvesting. I believe I've done my best and have nothing more to prove. I see myself more, not what other people saw about me.
People who aged positively have learned to move beyond maladaptive patterns of thinking embedded in regret, rigidity, self-absorption, chronic worry, and negativity. I have to cultivate flexibility by practicing life-enhancing values, such as gratitude, forgiveness, and altruism. Age has mellowed me in terms of temperament and enhanced my empathy and concerned to others.
How would I depict an old man? Well, I see him walking with that typical limp, feet dragging and face frowning. Fortunately, I've not yet reached that stage of discomfiture. But there is no denying that arthritis is slowly and relentlessly working on its unholy mission of tampering with my muscles, ligaments, and tendons. Cold temperature gives me cramps, just as quick and uncoordinated movements could send muscles pains in vulnerable parts of my body. I can't walk straight immediately after getting off from the bus. I can't eat lechon without misgivings and then making amends by drinking ginger ale with turmeric powder to appease my arthritic middle finger. My joints groan and squeak when I do my morning exercises.
I'm not complaining and even consider myself more fortunate. Some of my contemporaries are in worse conditions. Their knees have to be drained regularly of fluid to ease the swelling and the pain, or forced to renounce shoes because of excruciating gout, or forcibly home bound due to debilitating rheumatism.
Life is full of irony. Before, I can't eat the things that I like because I can't afford them. Now, I can't touch them because my doctors say so. Sounds familiar? Well, it's a common lament of senior citizens who've to do daily battles with high blood pressure, arthritis, diabetes and other infirmities. Elderly people are also prone to osteoporosis, cancer, Alzheimer's, and non-life threatening but equally despairing maladies like missing teeth, loss of hair, failing eyesight, impaired hearing, forgetfulness and the decline of virility. Things you've to come to terms and to live with. Otherwise, you won't want to live a minute longer.
What are the causes of aging? Why do we have a certain life span?
I often heard remarks that I look younger than my age so I can vouch for the fact that one person can age differently from another. Why?
Theories abound about the underlying cause of aging. Some maintain that aging is preprogrammed into our cells, while others contend that aging is primarily the result of environmental damage to our cells. Although none of the theories can fully explain the process, they do help us better understand how genes and lifestyles work in the aging process.
Experts say that it is really our cells that age and make our organs sick. There are many factors that cause our cells to age, and many that we can prevent by proper diet, exercise and healthy lifestyles. But judging from how we neglect or abuse our bodies, the choices we make are not always reflective of what we know.
It is said that the key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible, including the pains and discomfiture that advancing age tags along.
Well, think of the brighter side. With a balding head you'll save money on shampoos and pomades. Ha-ha-ha! With grey hair you'll look wiser. With dentures you can finally sing and whistle to your heart's content while brushing your teeth. Certainly, there is an upside in every downside. Your ability to rationalize is the only limit to console yourself. Who knows this might save you from the brink of suicide.
Seriously, think of the mandatory discounts on medicines, bus fares, boat and plane tickets, food and entertainment. Senior citizens also enjoy the comfort and ease of the express lanes when transacting business in public and private establishments.
American humorist Erma Bombeck said, "Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff."
Whatever, let's be consoled by Leroy Paige's words: "Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind it doesn't matter."
Albert Einstein's advice: "Do not grow old, no matter how long you live. Never cease to stand like curious children before the great mystery into which we are born."
I shall make this popular adage as a mantra: "You don't stop having fun when you get old. You get old when you stop having fun." It's true, time is a lousy beautician but you can put twinkles in your wrinkles. "Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been" (Mark Twain).
There are worst things than a creased or sag skin. "Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul "(Samuel Ulman).
I won't lose heart and take heed of Paul's exhortation to the Corinthians: "Therefore, we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day" (2 Corinthians 4: 16).
I'll think more about life and think less of the physical attributes I lost, or gained in the wrong places.
Nowadays, people are moving faster and faster but enjoying life less and less. Yet old people can be happy without really trying. How? By slowing down, simplifying and communing with nature. To age softly and with meaning it is important to seek the simple pleasures in our mundane, day to day life.
To live a life of simple pleasures, I shall:
Find the musical sound I love and, like a suitor, go for it often. Worship songs remind me that there is a higher purpose in life, soul music calm my nerves and elevate my spirit, country and folk songs make me reminisce the past, and instrumental music (sax, guitar and piano) are uplifting and entertaining. With the advent of headphones listening to music becomes more personal, pleasant and relaxing.
Buy, borrow or check out lots of books, and consider them as friends. Reading can stimulate the imagination and can slow down the deterioration of cognitive skills. Bookstores are my regular destinations when I'm at the malls. My bookshelves are packed with paperback and hardcover books I'd acquired in the past.
Consider parenthood a high and a holy apt until death parts me from my children's and grandchildren's constant gaze. My children are all grown-up and are on their own but I've not abandoned my parenthood to them. Besides, I have grandchildren to "gaze on
and vice versa.Bring animals inside — literally and figuratively. Pets like dogs are loyal, friendly and don't hold grudges, no wonder people who love animals are patient, loving and compassionate. My actions toward animals shall be the measure of my compassion toward life itself.
Script the shape of my heart by writing a letter and to mail a piece of my soul. Nowadays, I hardly handwrite because of my unsteady hands and heavy strokes. I envy old people who can still write legibly and even elegantly. To compensate, I communicate via Face-book and other social media. I use my mobile phone to celebrate, to encourage, to console, and to sympathize with others.
Seize the day but don't hold it by the throat and live the moment. I'm predisposed to be in a hurry, so it took time for me to learn to slow down, and to freeze and savor the moment. Little moments make life a big adventure.
Consider hope to be one disposition for which there is no acceptable alternative. Hope springs eternal. I shall be patient and remember how often things work out according to a wisdom beyond my understanding. I shall enjoy the pleasure of anticipating the things to come or may come.
Many people look forward for a happy retirement. They spend years saving and planning for the time they bid adieu to their employment and occupation. They look forward to the free time to do what interest them. I'm retired and quite contented of what I am although the people that count most to me are no longer much impressed of what I can do. Well, let them talk behind my back or consign me to the dustbin of irrelevancy. I won't mind. Not very much. After all, ageing seems to be the only available way to live a long life. I'm not planning to kick the bucket. Not yet. And I'll not be distracted in my desire to age softly or to age with meaning.
Smooth relationship in the family is another key to happy or graceful aging. On one hand, elderly people need support and affirmation. They need understanding since they tend to be grumpy, oversensitive, dawdling and forgetful. On the other hand, elderly people must learn to let go whatever power or influence they wield in the past. For me, I have reached the stage when my words no longer carry much weight with my children as in the past. At first, I felt disheartened and rejected. Then I realized that parents who are able to empower their children by affording them the right education and experience must be ready to fade in the background. I learned to refrain from giving unsolicited advice and opinions, and not to interfere unnecessarily in their affairs.
We tend to grow resentful against the limitations and disabilities associated with aging, even complaining to God and others about growing old. As a believer, I hold unto God's promises of blessing in old age, so growing old should be an occasion for rejoicing and deepened commitment to whatever the Lord enables me to do.
Old age need not be an unhappy season. Old people need not be helpless. Poverty in old age is not a problem if we work for financial independence early in life and by sound spending later. Old age infirmities can be avoided or its debilitating effects mitigated. There is also no need to worry of the afterlife if we put our life in order, renounce our sinfulness and learn to love our neighbors.
The time of old age can be a time of happy harvest, if we sow the seeds of good fruit
